so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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