Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
