I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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