do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
