I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
