FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
