You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
