You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
