Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is my gift to your gina
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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