Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
