I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
