I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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