what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
