if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
