Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
