dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
