Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
