sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
time to smoke my breakfast
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
