her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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