I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
