i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
