I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
