S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
