I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
