i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
