I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
