like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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