I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
