i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
