I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
