my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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