there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
