wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
