Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
