No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
