That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
