i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
