I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
