i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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