Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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