If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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