i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
