who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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