the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize