The maid of honor just puked.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
