No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
