so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
