he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Boobs are out for the taking
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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