He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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