Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
