Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
