better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
