Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
