does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
