White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
