sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
