Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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