I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
