so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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