We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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