we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
