Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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