tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
