apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
