apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
