Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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