..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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