my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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