I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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