If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
