Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
